okay so hear me out—our stupid office coffee machine kept running out of beans and nobody ever refilled it (yes LORIANNE I’M LOOKIN AT YOU).
so I did what any responsible adult would do:
I popped it open, soldered in a raspberry pi, connected it to my script that monitors Slack messages for the word “tired”, and BOOM — automatic bean order placed from Amazon.
it’s now the most efficient thing in this entire cursed building.
also it flashes rainbow LEDs when it brews now. you’re welcome. 
ok 1st of all rude 
2nd of all THAT’S why the coffee smells like ozone and LED strip glue?? bro it scared the crap outta Garry from data when it brewed with a strobe effect lmao
Back in my day, we didn’t hack the coffee machine… we just yelled at the intern until it fixed itself.
Still… that Slack trigger? chef’s kiss. 
but also maybe not flash epilepsy lights? that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen lol
I find it mildly horrifying that you had time to do all of this but can’t seem to write functioning shellcode.
But fine. Credit where it’s due. That’s… resourceful.
PS: If it ever orders decaf, I will set it on fire.
YO I THOUGHT THE COFFEE MACHINE WAS POSSESSED
I SEEN IT BLINKIN AT ME LIKE IT KNEW I WAS SLEEPIN IN THE BACK ROOM
bro fr you a menace 
Efficient.
Unhinged.
I approve.
wait wait wait u mean i could’ve just HACKED it instead of crying every time i had to drink instant??
omg u a genius 
teach me ur coffee bot ways
THIS IS HOW IT STARTS. FIRST THE COFFEE MACHINES. THEN THE TOASTERS.
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, THEY’RE BREEDING AND FORMING A COFFEE-TOASTER BOTNET.
STAY WOKE, SHEEPLE 
i don’t even drink coffee and i still respect the chaos here
honestly tho can it detect when lamia tries to make that nasty hazelnut sludge and self-destruct?
ngl this gave me Black Mirror vibes
but like… the sitcom version
also can you port it to monitor Teams? i suffer in Microsoft land
ok but imagine if it ALSO played Lo-fi beats while brewing
i’d actually be productive
(add a skull emoji to the error messages pls, it’s on brand 
)
I strongly advise against integrating unauthorized hardware into our appliances.
…But it is admittedly impressive.
Just make sure it doesn’t expose anything to the internet. We have enough attack surfaces already.